Looking out into the throbbing masses, you make your way to the dance floor winking and strutting as you pass on by. Half way to the dance floor you have to side step a table or two,they’re happy and dancing like mad around their seats, so you must be close to the floor and close to the action.

You inch and politely push your way to the ‘boogying spot’ and numerous potential meetings with Miss Right and… and in moments you’re… at the other side of the club. No dance floor. Did you side step that? You turn round puzzled.

Welcome to Thai style clubbing. Most party venues in our fair kingdom have what is known as an entertainment license (which is always at risk of being changed or overruled or even abolished) which would be fine for a pub or restaurant but not a club where you’re gonna shake your groove thing and get down and dirty to the latest Lady Gaga track. So what to do but grab a table and bust a move?

You see, only large establishments like hotels could even think of purchasing the limited number of Dancehall Licenses. Invariably, one hotel venue needs to close down so that another could benefit from its use. We are talking two million baht for one license, clubbers.

So, what do you do if you’re not the Hilton, yet have a floor to fill? Simple, grab a table and bust a restricted move.

In Thailand you can dance next to or near to your table as long as it is within three metres in all directions. Now should you put tables on lets say a hardwood or concrete floor about 2 meters from each other in a grid well what you have is a large space where every one can dance with just an entertainment license. A side bonus is that your drink is never far and you can invite or block whomever you choose into your little ‘Oasis’ of pleasures. Believe it or not, but it is these circumstances that developed the everyday drinking styles and etiquettes that most Thai people adhere to.

For example, why do Thai’s just drink one kind of spirit and with just either soda or cola? Well, mainly because they’re not there to drink, it is merely a social lubricant for more interesting happenings, be it Sang Som or Black, let the good times roll, or in this case, pour.

Have you ever though about why the drinks are so weak? Why such small measures of spirits compared to mixers? Because, my alcohol slurping friends, it ain’t a race and you’re there to socialise.

It also doesn’t hurt that the club owner makes between a 400-800% profit on each mixer or bucket of ice. Although we are still only talking 30 to 60 baht for a mixer, you are also sort of employing an army of waiters to constantly refill your glass.

Speaking of which, this totally threw me off at first, ‘cause I thought my glass was enchanted for a while like a never ending-glass of happy! Where else can you drink from your own bottle of liquor without paying a corkage fee? I still can’t get over it.

The bar owner/closet club owner will make a mint on mixers. Hell, he doesn’t care if you mix your cola/soda with Blue Label if you like. The system works. For the party people and the club.

In fact, this drinking in moderation allows for many more days of drinking instead of wrecking themselves on a weekend binge.

Later, as you advance in the fine art of ‘Thai drinking’, you can prove how macho you are by mixing a drink for your guest. Try to predict how sweet or sassy they are with your cola to soda ratios. Perhaps do the ultimate test and pour her a drink with spirits galore and a drop of mixer, should she down it, then that possibly answers the question of what else she is down for.

Another difference between the Oasis/Thai style of drinking and Western ways, is that in the former only the waiter goes to the bar, whereas in the latter we wander right up to it.

The bar counter in a way is our island of refreshments and other promising potentials. We go there to reload on our favorite drinks and your next hook up is just a smile and line away. You are a god! Master of all you survey! Then you make way for the next guy and his order…yes you both knowingly nod, another master of the universe proclaiming his eminence…

Both styles are inducive to great nights out and involve you, spirits and a fun venue. The Oasis or the Island? Both have water and sand but are fairly different yet similar. Do you find your self in a desert with many Oasis’s waiting for you to visit or climbing out of the sea onto the shores of an island, hopping from one adventure to the other? Either way drink responsibly and party with purpose.

Now for my many expat friends who know every bar, club and dive in Patong let me enlighten you on the tantalizing world of Phuket Town and let’s chronologically party in an undiscovered scene that awaits you…. all in the next issue of Phuket Post out on 26 June..