Sniffing friend�s bums and stranger�s crotches and urinating wherever they please might seem like an average day in the life of a dog. But, thanks to Sniffer, we have the inside scoop on life as a Phuket street dog.

Sniffer: Today we are joined by Copernicus, who has agreed to take some time out of his busy life as a street dog to come and answer some questions for our readers. Thanks for joining us, Copernicus.

Copernicus: No problem Sniff�s. Happy to be here.

S: Ok, let�s get right to it � what�s with you dogs sniffing each others bums? It�s a bit gross and you don�t see humans doing it.

C: Simply put, it�s our way of saying hello and finding out about other dogs. You�d be amazed at what we dogs can actually smell. At the risk of sounding too technical, the average human has around five million olfactory sensors in its nose, while the average hound has around 220 million � which is why you smell poo and we smell roses.

S: Delightfully put, but while for you it�s apparently an effective means of introduction, I�m sticking with the handshake. OK, moving on: what about food? We humans rage in debate about what is �good for your dog� and there are various brands available. So, from a dog�s perspective � what do you think of branded dog food?

C: Would you eat that slop out of a tin?

S: Ermm�probably not, no.

C: Nuff said...

S: But dogs do eat it� and many owners will tell you how much their dogs love it, even compared to other varieties and brands.

C: Let me put it this way � if I put a bowl of blended processed meat and a bunch of chemically altered preservatives, flavourings and colourings in-front of you and suggested you eat it � I imagine you�d decline. But let�s assume that�s all you get. After a couple of days, you�ll start getting hungry. The choice then is between what�s in the bowl, or one of your legs � which would put you in a worse position than us because we start with four of those.

S: Good point. But don�t dogs love bones and stuff? You�re always munching on them.

C: You humans really don�t have a clue, do you? Look sunshine, when was the last time you threw a meaty chicken bone to a dog and watched as he stripped the meat from it, cast it aside and munched away happily on the bone � oblivious the meat?

S: Hmmm. You�ve got me there.

C: Chicken and fish bones (especially those that have been cooked) are up there with the worst things you can feed us dogs. Ask yourself this, when you lob a random chicken bone at a passing dog, why are you doing it?

S: Well, probably because I thought the dog might be hungry � dogs like bones don�t they?

C: No. Dogs like food, not splinter-prone bones � but years of instinct tells us, it might be the only food we�ll be seeing that day. That�s why they get eaten. You humans don�t like bones, which is why you discard them. They can splinter really easily, lacerating your insides, or get caught in your throat so you choke to death � personally, I can think of better ways to go. If you won�t eat the bones, why should we?

S: Are there any other types of food you steer clear of? I mean, a mate of mine has a dog that he calls J Edgar because when he puts food in front of him, he Hoovers it up.

C: You�re friend clearly has a screw loose. However, years of playing second fiddle in the food chain means that we�re accustomed to eating pretty much anything � but that doesn�t mean it�s either good for us or that we like it. It�s like parents trying to ram broccoli down some three-years-old�s throat, when all the brat wants is ice cream. I�m lying there on the kitchen floor thinking, �Give the brat an ice cream. I�ll have the broccoli.�

S: You actually eat broccoli?

C: Only if it�s raw or very lightly cooked � slightly salted is quite nice too. Cook for too long and it�s tasteless crud.

S: Are there any other foods we humans should avoid giving you?

C: Well the good news for you is that we don�t like chocolate. However, some white chocolate in small doses is OK, but personally I think it�s horrible stuff. We dogs should also steer clear of things like grapes, raisins and sultana�s � unless,of course, you don�t mind rectal failure all over your nice new Persian.

S: Rug or cat?

C: Suits me either way, mate.

More of our Phuket Post Exclusive Interview with Copernicus in the next issue. If you have any questions for Copernicus, or any others of our interviewees, then please email - sniffer@phuket-animal-welfare.com